i am fearful

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I realize I haven’t written something on here in a while, and so I thought it would be a good idea to post something. This time, though, I wanted it to be personal, not just for myself, but for you as the reader. It’s awkward and scary for me to write this, but I believe honesty is the best thing we can offer ourselves and the world. I hope that no matter what I reveal here, it will inspire you to be the best person you can be.

“Okay, so what’s your story?”

This is a question I like asking people. I love to know to know what makes up the heart and soul of who you are and what sort of passions are hidden inside you. But when it comes down to it, I become flustered when the reverse happens to me. What’s my story? How much should I present? The verge is a scary place, and yet sometimes it can be amazing to see what you can find when you’re out there.

But I’m made up of fears. I’m far from proud of that factor, and I wish I could snap my finger and become a fearless lion on a savannah. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. My fears sink deeper than that of finding myself alone in the same room as an oblivious (and probably also very fearful and panicked) cockroach. As deep as that may be, that is only the surface. Sometimes, just looking at myself in the mirror can prove to be scary. It’s hard to look at yourself eye to eye, especially when you haven’t slept well or when your hair refuses to cooperate. I can remember days where I stand in front of the mirror trying to talk myself into smiling despite the fact that nothing about my face or my hair gave me confidence to show myself to the world outside. Maybe society paints these insecurities onto our minds and hearts…maybe…then again, I know deep inside that beauty is deeper than the first layer of skin. Still…I fear.

 

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There are other things that haunt me. Success, is one of them. I’m a writer and musician and sometimes it’s hard to motivate yourself to work with what you have. Suddenly your art becomes work because the pressure is on and you’re obligated to raise yourself to this ridiculous level. To be fearless is never an easy task.

I know I’m not the only one reaching for the stars and feeling as if maybe it’s not worth it. I’m not the only one wondering if anything I have to say is even worth saying. As I write this, I doubt whether or not my words have any point. Most of the time, I feel as though I am rambling. And yet, I have so much to say and I find myself out on the verge all over again, whether or not I want to be out there. We all have something tugging at our hearts; some of us may climb over the wall and reach success; and some of us will spend our whole lives climbing a rope that has no end. Nevertheless, the prize is never what matters. What matters is that we gave ourselves something to live for. But no matter how much positivity I speak, fear will always find a way. It’s a constant battle, but it’s a battle that is worth fighting.

 

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All in all, I think it’s safe to say that “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”. And as cliché as this sounds, those are some of the truest words ever spoken. And while I type out these words, I find that the only thing holding me back from finishing this post is the fear locked inside me. I mean, I think every artisan can relate when I say that revealing one’s thoughts to the world is scary and brings out even the worst of insecurities in a person. But there’s something about divulging your deepest thoughts and creative ideas (even if it may nearly destroy all your self-esteem….ha ha). You see, despite fear, there’s a part of it that many people don’t see…it’s letting go; it’s reaching out; it’s adventurous; and it’s redeeming. That is why, no matter how many people dislike what I say, no matter how hard it is to express myself, and no matter how many times I press the backspace on my keyboard, I will continue this messy and uncontainable art. Because, though fear will never suppress, the key is always to punch it in the face whenever you begin to feel it sink in.

I don’t know… Maybe you’re just like me and you have no idea what you’re doing, so what? Keep on, keep on. And to those who say that we can’t succeed; let them eat their own words because it’s better to do something amazing than sit around letting your creativity eat away at your soul.

 

I confess, I am fearful. But I am also a dreamer; and dreams, given the chance, can come true if you give them a chance to live and breathe.

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it’s too loud in here

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Lately, I’ve been having a hard time putting my thoughts into words on paper. I think I know why. I’ve been straining my mind, trying too hard to come up with something amazing. I know I’m not the only one, and it’s sad that I feel I need to always have something intricate and brilliant to say when I really, I don’t.

 

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’

then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.

Vincent Van Gogh

As a writer and musician, I find it very hard at times to reach into the well of creativity. The world is so full of people who have amazing talents, and most of the time, you end up placing yourself into the whirlwind of competition. In all the commotion, it’s easy to lose true and honest art that is your own. Not only that, the world is moving at a rapid pace, and it’s hard to keep up with all the trends and what gets people hooked.

 

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I have so many ideas, songs and stories that are left unfinished because I don’t believe them to be good enough to ever complete or share. For some things, this is true, but I believe I have limited myself to my creativity because I feel what I come up with will never be good enough. It’s a fear of failure. And within that fear is the prevention of ever succeeding. This I know is true, and it is a struggle I face every day. What’s more, I’m placing more pressure on myself than I need to. What’s the point of doing what you love if you’re not enjoying it anymore?

 

I have to remind myself that we all have the chance to share our ideas and talents, and the point is to enjoy sharing them. It’s not about who is at the top and how many fans or followers you have. This is about making the most out of what you do. This is about taking your time. Because, nothing good ever happens with rushing your dreams. If you do your thing well, you’ll be rewarded (eventually). You have to be patient.

 

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Sharing is a part of life. This is what I hope to accomplish. And I hope it’s your goal as well. Let go of your fears and just be yourself. Because it doesn’t matter if what you say or do is simple. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’re as good as the next person. It doesn’t matter if you never see gold to your name while you’re alive—the gold is already there. It’s deep inside your heart. It’s what drives your passions and inspiration. So you stick to your art, whatever it may be, and I’ll do the same.

 

Maybe my story is simple. I only want it to be inspiring.

you’re a storyteller

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The point of Art & Brilliance is to talk about life and share stories, because there is art and brilliance in everything. So, to make this more personal and to get others involved, I’ve decided to make a page where you can share your own personal experiences and life stories.

 

You’re a storyteller. So get out and start telling your story. You don’t have to be an expert at writing to sit down with someone and share what you’ve got with them. That isn’t the point. The point is that you’re giving someone a bit of light from your life and placing it into theirs. Also, telling your stories helps you let go, release. You don’t even have to go in depth with detail, but it does help to open up. That’s why I love writing and why I love music. They bring release to not only myself, but to others. It reminds every one of us of what we have gained or lost and that, no matter what, it’s okay to feel pain and joy in the circumstances we go through.

I want to share my worst days and best days with all of you. But whoever you are, wherever you’ve been…I want to know what adventures you’ve been on because I love hearing other peoples stories. You are a seed to inspire and encourage other people. That’s my goal, and I hope it’ll be yours too.

 

So…what’s your story?

Tell me about it.

rosy cheeks and crystal skies

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November came like a car crashing into a wall. I literally had a whole month to sit and realize that fact. And then November went bye bye. Okay, despite all of this, November was a really good month. It had it’s cracks, as does every month, but it had it’s diamonds. And trust me, I wish I could have enjoyed those moments for a longer period of time.

 

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I bet you wish you could pause it, I know I do.

 

Happy times are gifts, and sometimes we take them for granted. It’s irritating, because I always run with the current, never taking the time to slow myself down and enjoy the crystal skies, the rosy cheeks, or the cool breeze blowing on by. It’s like dinner at a 5 star restaurant that you’ve only ever seen the outside of. But then one day, someone takes you there and you taste of the food, enjoy it, savor it. Because you may never taste of that gourmet dish ever again.

 

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autumn friends

 

Oh November, you left me way too quickly. I didn’t finish NaNoWriMo *cough* but that is no surprise to myself. Don’t worry, I didn’t give up on writing just yet, I only stepped off into procrastination lingo for a couple weeks. Then again, I know I’m not the only one. And considering that this post is way over due, I should have made it more worth reading. If you’ve read this far, you must have way too much time on your hands ;)

 

Until next year, ta ta for now!

the epidemic

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It comes one month, every year.

Many become infected with the fever.

An obsession.

With Words.

There is really no cure for this epidemic. And no one really knows how it is spread or how it is obtained. People just wake up one day and find themselves infected. There are really no warning signs either. Perhaps it’s the drafts that cause people to be driven to insanity. Or the rage over words and how many you can possibly write in one day.

The danger is uncontrollable, by the time people realize what is happening, thousands of people have been affected. And like I noted at the beginning: There Is No Cure—all except to let it pass. And it does pass…when November ends so does the fever. Slowly it drifts away on the wind the same way it came.

If you hear of the strange epidemic of NaNoWriMo, you live at your own risk. Perhaps isolation is a solution—isolation from the outside world and from the online one.

Anyways, if you do, however, want to become one of the infected ones, you can visit http://nanowrimo.org Enter at your own risk, of course. For you may never be the same again.

(you may stay in tune to hear how I survived the epidemic of writing insanity, after November 30)